22 posts tagged with "Mind-Style"

Every dawning day
My hands fill with sticky clay
A substance resistant to shape
One that defies my will to make

My hands are traitors
Beasts of pain and failure
Tools of necessity
Rotten through with mediocrity

As time goes by it becomes harder and harder to trust my senses, to know exactly how and why my body reacts to the world. My interpretation changes by the second and some days it’s impossible to keep up. Each sense working on a scale that changes with every new piece of information I gleam from it, a drastically fast kaleidoscope of broken images and feelings. Brighter lights, clearer sounds, sharper temperatures, and a swaying scope of scale attack me constantly, wearing at my view of the world. Each shift defines a whole new set of actions and reactions to reinvent, a constant game of mix and match, find the value, adjust and prefix.

My senses have been at war with me for as long as I can remember, always tricking me, forever showing me more than I need to know. My earliest memory that I have a date for is 9/11 on a military base, and in it I remember nothing but mechanical screams. I remember standing on my porch as the base rallied itself, sirens and flashing lights on every car, tearing at my body with monotonous pulses. I remember the jets overhead, the bone wrenching blast of movement that they left behind. I remember the cracks in the concrete, wavering in front of my tiny face as I trembled in the wake of the neverending onslaught. Just waiting, watching the world shatter in my mind.

You know that person that always tries to finish your sentences for you, trying to prove that they have a sense of the world around them by making an assumption and rolling with it? Well everyone does that, or at least their brain does. When you hear something your brain tries to predict what it is as soon as the sound begins, the more information it receives the more defined of an idea it has. As it hears a word in the sound it switches to recognizing speech, and tries to make it easier to understand malformed sound by predicting hat word will come next. This can make it hard to understand people who have a different accent than you, or if the topic suddenly veers off course from what you were expecting. If you pay attention there is always a part of your mind running those predictions when your talking with someone, a part of you trying to make the audio processing job easier by ruling out words based on context. A sort of echo in the background of your thoughts that jumps in reaction to every new word.

Traverse the lands brink
Across every world link
Each defined and distinct
Making broad skies blink

Find me motion defined
A motion that shows its mind
Staying within lines predefined
Reactions by which life can bind

The world reeks of beautiful waste
Of stories told with volatile taste
A human mind seeks with haste
Each source of this rancid trace

Time is strange, the changes it incites in the world happens at such a scale and is so ingrained in how we function that we can’t escape the limitations it imposes. As we travel forward with time its effects change both us and our environment. Moments pass and leave nothing unadjusted, everything altered by its incessant march. Growth and rot share this friend in common. Change over time a helping hand to all, both willing and mindless.

The world screams in different tones. From the thoughts of fleshed minds comes the multi toned cacophony of need that permeates our world. We all desire something, those desires changing in intensity and focus every moment of every day throughout our lives. Desire fuels our actions and by those actions our next desire is defined, our thoughts formed by our surroundings.

I’m constantly learning, taking on projects that need a whole new approach and expand my ability to express myself. Most of them I’ve been trying to do for years, and there is generally one reason for why I continually fail at them. I don’t know if I go in with my expectations too high or if I start digging to deep too early on, but I get overwhelmed by the limitations and constraints of the medium. I wish that I could just think the thing into existence. I see it, why can’t it just be that easy? Whether its a new coding language, art style, program, or type of digital media I get lost in all of the options and what I want out of them. It always leads to me picking up small parts each time I try it while getting slowly better and more comfortable with it. It’s a frustrating loop that degrades motivation and progress.