6 posts tagged with "With My Voice"

This is a letter to my younger self. Things that I wish someone I trusted had said to me. But I never opened myself up enough for anyone to know what to say.

I'm so tired of seeing discussions about how children can't know that they're transgender or whatever before X age while I know for a fact that I did. I don't expect to sway anyone who has a hard-line stance on that idea, but I want to explain how that felt for me and the situation I was in. I have another post that covers why I came out so late despite knowing so far back, but I just want to cover how it felt to have always known.

I was reading The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in June this year, and found that I related to the idea of bifurcating yourself and neglecting one half, only to be forced to face it later in life. I don't doubt in the slightest that people far smarter than me have gone over this part of the book in much greater detail, but I wanted to write about it myself anyway. A section of Dr. Jekyll's account in particular hits very close to home for me.

I want you to imagine an alarm that constantly going off around you. It’s been there as long as you can remember and you’re the only one who can hear it. Every time you ask anyone else if they hear it, they look at you like you’re insane, dismiss your question, and move on.

This is a topic that means a lot to me so I’ll be keeping it pinned to the top of my blog, and it would mean even more if you’d be willing to read what I have to say.

The past few months have really torn me up in more ways than I can count, but I’d like to think that there’s some good coming out of it at least. When I started to rebuild myself after being sick for so many months, I realized that there is something that I can’t ignore anymore and that I hope will start to change me for the better. While I’ve known about it my whole life, I’ve always ignored it for one reason or another, or just being a suborn moron to be honest. So now that I’m having to rework my life style basically from the ground up, it’s time I start being who I know that I am.

This is a simplified explanation of how I got to where I am today in regards to being transgender. As with most things in life, there’s more to it, but this hits the important points. It’s important to stress that this is not how everyone experiences it, and quite a few people get a lot more doubt about it than I did. I have my amazing Mom to thank for me being able to accept myself and my best friend MiniPixie for being there when I needed her. Suffice to say, I wrote this to emphasize the importance of accepting your friends and family, even if they’re not sure about what’s going on yet.
-Natalie, written with love and hope to everyone who needs it